(106) DEVOTION WITHOUT IRREGULARITY
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7th April, 1947
Yesterday I wrote to you what Bhagavan told us about moderation in sleep, diet and movements. He teaches this in various ways by his own practical example. He does not take milk and is nowadays eating only one iddli for breakfast daily saying that a man who sits without doing any physical work does not require two. So also with his midday meal.
Mixed with curry etc., each meal amounts only to about a handful. Even that he does not eat each dish separately as we do for taste. He makes a ball of the vegetable, chutney, soup, etc. and then mixes it with rice and eats. In the course of the conversation one day, he said, “It would be more tasty to eat the rice with only one dish instead of so many. Why so many dishes? We used to eat only a single dish in the olden days. I have not given up that practice even now. While I was on the hill many people used to bring rice, fruit and sweets. Whatever they brought, I used to eat only as much as could be lifted with three fingers. I used to eat some of whatever they brought so that the whole day’s intake of the food eaten did not amount to a handful. That method of eating used to give me more than happiness. Nowadays they spread a leaf and serve several things on it. As I cannot waste anything, I eat them and feel heavy thereafter.”
So also as regards sleep. On special festival occasions such as the birthday celebrations (Jayanthi) and Maha Puja, the students do not commence the Vedic recitations at the Brahma Muhurtham time (a couple of hours before sun rise), being tired with work on the previous night, but Bhagavan gets up as usual and keeps himself ready. If he is ever in ill health and his personal attendants request him to sleep a little longer, he replies, “What is the point in sleeping at the time of the Brahma Muhurtham? If you want, you may sleep.”
In Dhanurmasam (December-January), puja starts in Arunachaleswara temple early in the morning. Bhagavan wakes up here by that time. People who do the Tamil parayana may take some time to get up and come here, but he is always ready to receive them. Of course his movements also are limited. It is said that all these restrictions are only for sadhaks and not for Jnanis. But Jnanis also observe all this discipline for the welfare of the world. They never slip down from the pinnacle of complete dispassion. Devotion to principle, determination, etc., which do not transgress Nature’s laws are normal for them. Their actions are all lessons for us.
Letter 105
(105) REGULATING SLEEP, DIET AND MOVEMENTS
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6th April, 1947
Yesterday, a devotee asked Bhagavan, “Swamiji! One has to meditate in order to enquire about his self. When I sit for meditation, I go to sleep. What can I do? Is there any way out?”
Bhagavan replied, “First learn to be awake when you are in the wakeful state. Then we can think of the sleeping state. We dream of many things even when we are awake.
We must learn to guard ourselves against them in our waking state. All that we see about us is a dream. We should wake up from this dream world.” The questioner said, “Sadhana is required to acquire that carefulness. Whenever I decide upon some method and try to do sadhana, I get sleepy. Will Bhagavan kindly tell me how to overcome this sleepiness?”
Bhagavan replied: “Of the avarana-vikshepas (obstructions and disturbances), the first avarana is sleep. We must try as far as possible not to succumb to it. We must enquire why we get sleep and regulate our food, movements, etc. and see that we do not feel sleepy, but it is no use trying to stop it when once we are sleepy. Don’t we get sleep if we eat heartily? Then the head begins to nod as we sit for meditation. It seems some tie their hair to a nail in the wall to keep them awake. Except that they wake up when their head nods, what use is it for dhyana? My boyhood experience of sleep is well known. While the school lessons were being taught, lest I should fall asleep, I used to tie a thread to the nail on the wall, and tie my hair to it. When the head nods, the thread is pulled tight and that used to wake me up. Otherwise, the teacher used to twist my ears and wake me up.” So saying, Bhagavan began to laugh.
“Is it possible Bhagavan is concocting all these stories and telling us?” asked Muruganar.
“No, no! It is true! I used to do all that because I was afraid the teacher would punish me for not listening to his lessons. That was the state in those days. In the early days after my coming here, when I closed my eyes, deeply absorbed in meditation I hardly knew whether it was day or night. If at any time I opened my eyes I used to wonder whether it was night or day. I had no food and no sleep.
When there is movement of the body, you need food. If you have food, you need sleep. If there is no movement, you do not need sleep. Very little food is enough to sustain life. That used to be my experience. Somebody or other used to offer me a tumblerful of some liquid diet whenever I opened my eyes. That was all. But one thing: except when one is in absorbed motionless concentration of mind, it is not possible to give up sleep or food altogether. When the body and mind are engaged in the ordinary pursuits of life, the body reels if you give up food and sleep.
Therefore it must be said that limitation of food and movement is very necessary for the elevation of the soul.
Great people restrict their sleep to the barest minimum so that they may not waste their time but use it for the performance of selfless good deeds. Some say that it is healthy to go to bed at 10 p.m. and wake up at 2 a.m.
That means that four hours’ sleep is enough. Some say that four hours’ sleep is not enough, but that it should be six hours. It amounts to this, that sleep and food should not be taken in excess. If you want to cut off either of them completely, your mind will always be directed towards it. Therefore the sadhaka should do everything in moderation,” said Bhagavan.
This is what is stated in the Bhagavad Gita: (VI:16, 17) Yoga is not for him who eats too much, nor who abstains to excess, nor who is too much addicted to sleep nor even to wakefulness. Yoga kills out all pain for him who is regulated in eating and amusement, regulated in performing actions, and regulated in sleeping and waking.
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6th April, 1947
Yesterday, a devotee asked Bhagavan, “Swamiji! One has to meditate in order to enquire about his self. When I sit for meditation, I go to sleep. What can I do? Is there any way out?”
Bhagavan replied, “First learn to be awake when you are in the wakeful state. Then we can think of the sleeping state. We dream of many things even when we are awake.
We must learn to guard ourselves against them in our waking state. All that we see about us is a dream. We should wake up from this dream world.” The questioner said, “Sadhana is required to acquire that carefulness. Whenever I decide upon some method and try to do sadhana, I get sleepy. Will Bhagavan kindly tell me how to overcome this sleepiness?”
Bhagavan replied: “Of the avarana-vikshepas (obstructions and disturbances), the first avarana is sleep. We must try as far as possible not to succumb to it. We must enquire why we get sleep and regulate our food, movements, etc. and see that we do not feel sleepy, but it is no use trying to stop it when once we are sleepy. Don’t we get sleep if we eat heartily? Then the head begins to nod as we sit for meditation. It seems some tie their hair to a nail in the wall to keep them awake. Except that they wake up when their head nods, what use is it for dhyana? My boyhood experience of sleep is well known. While the school lessons were being taught, lest I should fall asleep, I used to tie a thread to the nail on the wall, and tie my hair to it. When the head nods, the thread is pulled tight and that used to wake me up. Otherwise, the teacher used to twist my ears and wake me up.” So saying, Bhagavan began to laugh.
“Is it possible Bhagavan is concocting all these stories and telling us?” asked Muruganar.
“No, no! It is true! I used to do all that because I was afraid the teacher would punish me for not listening to his lessons. That was the state in those days. In the early days after my coming here, when I closed my eyes, deeply absorbed in meditation I hardly knew whether it was day or night. If at any time I opened my eyes I used to wonder whether it was night or day. I had no food and no sleep.
When there is movement of the body, you need food. If you have food, you need sleep. If there is no movement, you do not need sleep. Very little food is enough to sustain life. That used to be my experience. Somebody or other used to offer me a tumblerful of some liquid diet whenever I opened my eyes. That was all. But one thing: except when one is in absorbed motionless concentration of mind, it is not possible to give up sleep or food altogether. When the body and mind are engaged in the ordinary pursuits of life, the body reels if you give up food and sleep.
Therefore it must be said that limitation of food and movement is very necessary for the elevation of the soul.
Great people restrict their sleep to the barest minimum so that they may not waste their time but use it for the performance of selfless good deeds. Some say that it is healthy to go to bed at 10 p.m. and wake up at 2 a.m.
That means that four hours’ sleep is enough. Some say that four hours’ sleep is not enough, but that it should be six hours. It amounts to this, that sleep and food should not be taken in excess. If you want to cut off either of them completely, your mind will always be directed towards it. Therefore the sadhaka should do everything in moderation,” said Bhagavan.
This is what is stated in the Bhagavad Gita: (VI:16, 17) Yoga is not for him who eats too much, nor who abstains to excess, nor who is too much addicted to sleep nor even to wakefulness. Yoga kills out all pain for him who is regulated in eating and amusement, regulated in performing actions, and regulated in sleeping and waking.
Letter 104
(104) HEADSHIP OF A MUTT
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5th April, 1947
[* A Mutt/Math is an independent monastary.]
The same devotee who questioned Bhagavan yesterday about human effort in the individual’s action, today told him about his ill health, treatment by doctors and services rendered to him by his servants and said, “Swamiji! We are unable to keep this body of ours in good condition and so entrust it to the care of doctors and servants. When the body itself is not under our control, what is the use of people talking of reforming the world?” Do you know that for the last five or six months Bhagavan is not allowing anybody to touch his legs or massage them with oil, and that he himself does it whenever necessary? Hence he did not reply to the devotee’s question immediately, but in the evening, when the devotees all gathered, he began massaging his legs with oil, and looking at the questioner with a smile, said, “We are our own doctors and our own servants.”
Again the questioner said, “What are we to do if we do not have strength like Bhagavan’s to attend to our own work?”
Bhagavan’s reply was, “If we have the strength to eat, why should we not have the strength to do this?” The questioner could not say anything and so kept silent with bent head. Just then the post arrived. After looking through the letters, Bhagavan began narrating as follows:
“Once a certain sannyasi was anxious to be the head of a mutt. He had to have disciples, you see. He tried his level best to secure some. Any one who came, soon found out the limited knowledge of the person and so went away. No one stayed on.
What could he do? One day he had to go to a city. There he had to keep up his position, but he had no disciple. ‘No one must know this’, he thought. His bundle of clothes was on his head. So, he thought he would place the bundle in some house unobserved and then pretend to go there afterwards. He wandered throughout the place. Whenever he tried to step into a house, he found a number of people in front of it. Poor chap! What could he do? It was almost evening. He was tired.
At last, he found a house with no one in front. The door was open. Greatly relieved, he placed the bundle in one corner of the house and then sat in the verandah. After a while the lady of the house came out and enquired of him who he was. ‘Me! I am the head of a mutt in such and such a place. I came to this city on some work. I heard that you were good householders. I therefore sent my belongings through my disciple to put them in your house, thinking that we could put up with you for the night and go away next morning. Has he done so?’ ‘No one has come, sir,’ she said. ‘No, please check. I asked him to put the bundle here, go to the bazar and get some things. Kindly see if he has put it in any corner,’ he said. When the lady searched the house, she saw the bundle in one corner.
Thereupon her husband and she welcomed him and gave him food and a room to sleep in. Rather late in the night, they asked, ‘How is it, sir, your disciple has not come yet?’ He said, ‘Perhaps that useless fellow has eaten something in the bazar and is wandering about. You please go to bed. If he comes, I will open the door for him.’ “That couple had, by then, understood the sannyasi’s true position. They thought they would see further fun and so went into the house to lie down. Then the person started his pretensions. He opened the door and closed it, making a loud noise so as to be heard by the members of the household.
He then said loudly, ‘Why! What have you been doing so long? Take care, if you do it again, I shall beat you black and blue. Be careful henceforth.’ Changing his tone thereafter, he said in a plaintive voice, ‘Swami, Swami please excuse me. I shall not do it again.’ Assuming the original tone, he said, ‘All right. Come here, massage my legs, here; no, there; please hit lightly with your fists. Yes, a little more.’ So saying, he massaged his own legs and then said, ‘Enough; it is rather late, go to bed.’ So saying he went to sleep. There was a hole in the wall of the room where the couple were staying and through it they saw the whole farce.
In the early morning the sannyasi again began repeating the evening’s performance, saying, ‘You lazy fellow! The cocks have begun to crow. Go to so and so’s house and come back after doing such and such work.’ So saying, he opened the door, pretended to send him away and went back to bed. The couple saw this also.
In the morning he bundled up his belongings, put the bundle in a corner, and went to a tank nearby for bathing, etc. The couple took the bundle and hid it somewhere. The sannyasi returned and searched the whole room but the bundle was not found anywhere. So he asked the lady of the house, ‘Where is my bundle?’ The couple then replied, ‘Sir, your disciple came here and took away the bundle saying you wanted him to bring it to you. It is the same person who massaged your legs last night.
He must be round the corner. Please see, Swami.’ What could he do then? He kept his mouth shut and started going home.”
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5th April, 1947
[* A Mutt/Math is an independent monastary.]
The same devotee who questioned Bhagavan yesterday about human effort in the individual’s action, today told him about his ill health, treatment by doctors and services rendered to him by his servants and said, “Swamiji! We are unable to keep this body of ours in good condition and so entrust it to the care of doctors and servants. When the body itself is not under our control, what is the use of people talking of reforming the world?” Do you know that for the last five or six months Bhagavan is not allowing anybody to touch his legs or massage them with oil, and that he himself does it whenever necessary? Hence he did not reply to the devotee’s question immediately, but in the evening, when the devotees all gathered, he began massaging his legs with oil, and looking at the questioner with a smile, said, “We are our own doctors and our own servants.”
Again the questioner said, “What are we to do if we do not have strength like Bhagavan’s to attend to our own work?”
Bhagavan’s reply was, “If we have the strength to eat, why should we not have the strength to do this?” The questioner could not say anything and so kept silent with bent head. Just then the post arrived. After looking through the letters, Bhagavan began narrating as follows:
“Once a certain sannyasi was anxious to be the head of a mutt. He had to have disciples, you see. He tried his level best to secure some. Any one who came, soon found out the limited knowledge of the person and so went away. No one stayed on.
What could he do? One day he had to go to a city. There he had to keep up his position, but he had no disciple. ‘No one must know this’, he thought. His bundle of clothes was on his head. So, he thought he would place the bundle in some house unobserved and then pretend to go there afterwards. He wandered throughout the place. Whenever he tried to step into a house, he found a number of people in front of it. Poor chap! What could he do? It was almost evening. He was tired.
At last, he found a house with no one in front. The door was open. Greatly relieved, he placed the bundle in one corner of the house and then sat in the verandah. After a while the lady of the house came out and enquired of him who he was. ‘Me! I am the head of a mutt in such and such a place. I came to this city on some work. I heard that you were good householders. I therefore sent my belongings through my disciple to put them in your house, thinking that we could put up with you for the night and go away next morning. Has he done so?’ ‘No one has come, sir,’ she said. ‘No, please check. I asked him to put the bundle here, go to the bazar and get some things. Kindly see if he has put it in any corner,’ he said. When the lady searched the house, she saw the bundle in one corner.
Thereupon her husband and she welcomed him and gave him food and a room to sleep in. Rather late in the night, they asked, ‘How is it, sir, your disciple has not come yet?’ He said, ‘Perhaps that useless fellow has eaten something in the bazar and is wandering about. You please go to bed. If he comes, I will open the door for him.’ “That couple had, by then, understood the sannyasi’s true position. They thought they would see further fun and so went into the house to lie down. Then the person started his pretensions. He opened the door and closed it, making a loud noise so as to be heard by the members of the household.
He then said loudly, ‘Why! What have you been doing so long? Take care, if you do it again, I shall beat you black and blue. Be careful henceforth.’ Changing his tone thereafter, he said in a plaintive voice, ‘Swami, Swami please excuse me. I shall not do it again.’ Assuming the original tone, he said, ‘All right. Come here, massage my legs, here; no, there; please hit lightly with your fists. Yes, a little more.’ So saying, he massaged his own legs and then said, ‘Enough; it is rather late, go to bed.’ So saying he went to sleep. There was a hole in the wall of the room where the couple were staying and through it they saw the whole farce.
In the early morning the sannyasi again began repeating the evening’s performance, saying, ‘You lazy fellow! The cocks have begun to crow. Go to so and so’s house and come back after doing such and such work.’ So saying, he opened the door, pretended to send him away and went back to bed. The couple saw this also.
In the morning he bundled up his belongings, put the bundle in a corner, and went to a tank nearby for bathing, etc. The couple took the bundle and hid it somewhere. The sannyasi returned and searched the whole room but the bundle was not found anywhere. So he asked the lady of the house, ‘Where is my bundle?’ The couple then replied, ‘Sir, your disciple came here and took away the bundle saying you wanted him to bring it to you. It is the same person who massaged your legs last night.
He must be round the corner. Please see, Swami.’ What could he do then? He kept his mouth shut and started going home.”
Letter 103
(103) HUMAN EFFORT
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4th April, 1947
A devotee who was a frequent visitor to the Ashram arrived two or three days ago. Ever since his arrival he has been looking all round the hall frequently. I was expecting him to ask Bhagavan some questions. This afternoon he sat near Bhagavan and slowly commenced asking questions: “Swamiji! Everyone in this hall is seated with his eyes closed. Do all of them get results?”
“Certainly! Each person will get results according to his thoughts,” Bhagavan replied humorously.
Question: Vasishtam also says the same thing. In some places it is stated that human effort is the source of all strength. In others it is said that it is all divine grace. It is not clear which of them is correct.
Bhagavan: Yes, they say that there is no God other than the karmas of the previous birth, that the karma done in the present birth in accordance with sastras is known as purushakara, (human effort), that the previous and present karmas meet for a head-on fight like rams, that the one that is weaker gets eliminated. That is why they say one should strengthen purushakara. If it is asked what is the origin of karma, they say, such a question should not be raised as it is like the eternal question, which is earlier, the seed or the tree? Such a question is for mere argument and not for deciding finally what is what.
That is why I say, first find out who you are. If one asks ‘Who am I? How did I get this dosha (fault) of life?’ then there will be Self-realisation. Dosha will get eliminated and shanti will be obtained. Why even obtained? It (the Self) remains as it IS.” In Vasishtam, in the second canto of Mumukshu Vyavahara, there are slokas containing this bhava (import):
‘Who am I? How did this faulty samsara come into being?’
Such investigation is known as the ‘Path of Enquiry’ (Vichara). By Vichara, Reality is understood, and such understanding brings repose in the Self; then follow tranquillity of mind and cessation of all sorrow.
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4th April, 1947
A devotee who was a frequent visitor to the Ashram arrived two or three days ago. Ever since his arrival he has been looking all round the hall frequently. I was expecting him to ask Bhagavan some questions. This afternoon he sat near Bhagavan and slowly commenced asking questions: “Swamiji! Everyone in this hall is seated with his eyes closed. Do all of them get results?”
“Certainly! Each person will get results according to his thoughts,” Bhagavan replied humorously.
Question: Vasishtam also says the same thing. In some places it is stated that human effort is the source of all strength. In others it is said that it is all divine grace. It is not clear which of them is correct.
Bhagavan: Yes, they say that there is no God other than the karmas of the previous birth, that the karma done in the present birth in accordance with sastras is known as purushakara, (human effort), that the previous and present karmas meet for a head-on fight like rams, that the one that is weaker gets eliminated. That is why they say one should strengthen purushakara. If it is asked what is the origin of karma, they say, such a question should not be raised as it is like the eternal question, which is earlier, the seed or the tree? Such a question is for mere argument and not for deciding finally what is what.
That is why I say, first find out who you are. If one asks ‘Who am I? How did I get this dosha (fault) of life?’ then there will be Self-realisation. Dosha will get eliminated and shanti will be obtained. Why even obtained? It (the Self) remains as it IS.” In Vasishtam, in the second canto of Mumukshu Vyavahara, there are slokas containing this bhava (import):
‘Who am I? How did this faulty samsara come into being?’
Such investigation is known as the ‘Path of Enquiry’ (Vichara). By Vichara, Reality is understood, and such understanding brings repose in the Self; then follow tranquillity of mind and cessation of all sorrow.
Letter 102
(102) MOTHER ALAGAMMA
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3rd April, 1947
The other day there was a talk in Sri Bhagavan’s presence about old songs. Bhagavan said, “Mother used to sing ‘Dakshinamurthy Stotra’ and other Vedantic songs. They used to be full of meaning. Nobody cares about them nowadays but it would be very good if they were edited and published.” On hearing that, I remembered about the old philosophic songs in Telugu also and felt that it would be beneficial spiritually to our ladies if those songs also could be edited and published, and wrote an article about it. In it I mentioned the “Appalam Song”[*] which assumed much prominence in Bhagavan’s teachings to Mother Alagamma, and which is considered to be one of the best of songs. When I told Bhagavan that I wanted to send the article to the Telugu magazine Griha Lakshmi, he asked me to read it out to him.
[*Appalam in Tamil, Poppadam in Malayalam, Appadam in Telugu, is a very thin, round cake made of black gram flour fried crisp.]
On hearing it, Bhagavan said, “There is a big story about this song,” and at my request he was pleased to narrate it.
“In the early days when Mother came to stay with me in Virupaksha Cave, there was no cooking. If Echamma or anybody else brought her any food she used to eat it, clean the vessels and then go to bed. That was all. One day she thought I had nothing special to eat and as I was fond of the twin appalams, she thought it would be a good idea to make some for me. Being well experienced, she could not refrain from making them. Without my knowledge she asked the Mudaliar old lady, Echamma and some others to get everything ready and one evening she set out, saying that she was going to the village. I wanted to see where she was really going, and so when she left, I waited silently under the tree outside. She thought I did not know anything. She went to several houses, collected all the required things in a big vessel and returned. I closed my eyes and pretended complete ignorance. She put them away carefully in the cave till all the visitors left.
After nightfall, I had my usual meal and lay down pretending to sleep. Leisurely, she took out the wooden roller, wooden seat, loose flour and the balls of paste and commenced making appalams. There were about two to three hundred to be made. She could not prepare them all single-handed. I knew the job. So she quietly began telling me, ‘My boy, please help me with it.’ I got the opportunity I was waiting for. If I were lenient in this, she would start something else. I wanted to put a timely stop to it. I said, ‘You have renounced everything and have come here, haven’t you? Why all this? You should rest content with whatever is available. I won’t help you. I won’t eat them if you prepare them. Make them all for yourself, and eat them yourself.’
She was silent for a while and again started saying, ‘What, my dear son, please help me a little.’ I was adamant. She continued to call me again and again. Feeling it was no use arguing any more, I said, ‘All right. You make these appalams; I will make another kind’, and I started singing this ‘Appalam Song’. She used to sing a rice song, soup song and other such songs, all with Vedantic meanings.
None appears to have written an appalam song. So I felt I should compose one. She was very fond of songs. So she felt that she could learn another song. By the time the preparation of the appalams was over, my song also was finished. ‘I will eat this appalam (the song about the appalams), and you eat those that you have made,’ I told her. That happened sometime in 1914 or 1915.” “What a big story! I wrote it in brief in this essay. This won’t do,” I said. “Why all this in that essay?” asked Bhagavan.
I said I would write all this in my “Letters” (to my brother) and Bhagavan agreed to it. He was then reminded of some other incident, and said, “Some time after the ‘Appalam Song’ was composed, we all set out one day on giri pradakshina.
Someone said, ‘Swamiji! Please tell us the meaning of the “Appalam Song”’. I started explaining thus: ‘Take the words ‘thanugani pancha kosa kshetramunnada (in the body with the five elements)’ — there are many authorities about the ‘pancha kosa kshetra’ in the Bhagavad Gita and other Vedantic texts. I quoted them all. Similarly for every word there are many authorities. I gave them all, explaining their meanings and significance. We finished our round of the hill, returned to the Virupaksha Cave and sat down. I was still explaining. All the essence of the Vedanta is incorporated in that one song. If properly commented upon, it would make a big volume by itself.”
I said, “It would have been good if somebody had recorded all that when Bhagavan explained. Who can comment upon the song as Bhagavan does! Why not somebody record it even now?” “That is all very well!” he said laughing. After hearing all the commentary, I said, “I am not satisfied with this article and so I will not send it to Griha Lakshmi.”
Bhagavan said, “Just as you please,” and resumed his talk, “Though I was remonstrating with my mother, she slowly started cooking, first a vegetable, then soup, and so on. We went to Skandasramam afterwards. She used to wander all over the hill, gather something or other, and say, ‘He likes this vegetable and that fruit’. She took no notice of my remonstrations. Once, while she was coming to the jungle at this side, her saree got in a thorny bush. It was only then that this path was cleared of all bushes and the like. She said she would not leave me and go anywhere else. If she went anywhere, she was afraid that she might die there. She was particular that she should die in my arms. When Alamelu (Bhagavan’s younger sister) built a new house in their village near Manamadurai, she begged mother just to go over there and see the house. She said it was enough if she (mother) just set her foot in it. But she never went. She declined because she was afraid that in case she fell ill there, there might not be trains running properly at that time to bring her back here and in that case, she might not die in her son’s arms.
She used to say, ‘Even if you were to throw away my dead body in these thorny bushes I do not mind but I must end this life in your arms.’” As he was saying that, his voice began to falter through emotion. My eyes got moist. I said, “Renunciation should be as firm as that with everybody.” “Yes, yes!” he said and was silent.
Because she said, “Even if you were to throw away my body in these thorny bushes,” we now see that the place of her burial is adorned by a temple fit to be worshipped by kings and emperors.
See Appalam Song, and Dakshinamurthy Stotra.
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3rd April, 1947
The other day there was a talk in Sri Bhagavan’s presence about old songs. Bhagavan said, “Mother used to sing ‘Dakshinamurthy Stotra’ and other Vedantic songs. They used to be full of meaning. Nobody cares about them nowadays but it would be very good if they were edited and published.” On hearing that, I remembered about the old philosophic songs in Telugu also and felt that it would be beneficial spiritually to our ladies if those songs also could be edited and published, and wrote an article about it. In it I mentioned the “Appalam Song”[*] which assumed much prominence in Bhagavan’s teachings to Mother Alagamma, and which is considered to be one of the best of songs. When I told Bhagavan that I wanted to send the article to the Telugu magazine Griha Lakshmi, he asked me to read it out to him.
[*Appalam in Tamil, Poppadam in Malayalam, Appadam in Telugu, is a very thin, round cake made of black gram flour fried crisp.]
On hearing it, Bhagavan said, “There is a big story about this song,” and at my request he was pleased to narrate it.
“In the early days when Mother came to stay with me in Virupaksha Cave, there was no cooking. If Echamma or anybody else brought her any food she used to eat it, clean the vessels and then go to bed. That was all. One day she thought I had nothing special to eat and as I was fond of the twin appalams, she thought it would be a good idea to make some for me. Being well experienced, she could not refrain from making them. Without my knowledge she asked the Mudaliar old lady, Echamma and some others to get everything ready and one evening she set out, saying that she was going to the village. I wanted to see where she was really going, and so when she left, I waited silently under the tree outside. She thought I did not know anything. She went to several houses, collected all the required things in a big vessel and returned. I closed my eyes and pretended complete ignorance. She put them away carefully in the cave till all the visitors left.
After nightfall, I had my usual meal and lay down pretending to sleep. Leisurely, she took out the wooden roller, wooden seat, loose flour and the balls of paste and commenced making appalams. There were about two to three hundred to be made. She could not prepare them all single-handed. I knew the job. So she quietly began telling me, ‘My boy, please help me with it.’ I got the opportunity I was waiting for. If I were lenient in this, she would start something else. I wanted to put a timely stop to it. I said, ‘You have renounced everything and have come here, haven’t you? Why all this? You should rest content with whatever is available. I won’t help you. I won’t eat them if you prepare them. Make them all for yourself, and eat them yourself.’
She was silent for a while and again started saying, ‘What, my dear son, please help me a little.’ I was adamant. She continued to call me again and again. Feeling it was no use arguing any more, I said, ‘All right. You make these appalams; I will make another kind’, and I started singing this ‘Appalam Song’. She used to sing a rice song, soup song and other such songs, all with Vedantic meanings.
None appears to have written an appalam song. So I felt I should compose one. She was very fond of songs. So she felt that she could learn another song. By the time the preparation of the appalams was over, my song also was finished. ‘I will eat this appalam (the song about the appalams), and you eat those that you have made,’ I told her. That happened sometime in 1914 or 1915.” “What a big story! I wrote it in brief in this essay. This won’t do,” I said. “Why all this in that essay?” asked Bhagavan.
I said I would write all this in my “Letters” (to my brother) and Bhagavan agreed to it. He was then reminded of some other incident, and said, “Some time after the ‘Appalam Song’ was composed, we all set out one day on giri pradakshina.
Someone said, ‘Swamiji! Please tell us the meaning of the “Appalam Song”’. I started explaining thus: ‘Take the words ‘thanugani pancha kosa kshetramunnada (in the body with the five elements)’ — there are many authorities about the ‘pancha kosa kshetra’ in the Bhagavad Gita and other Vedantic texts. I quoted them all. Similarly for every word there are many authorities. I gave them all, explaining their meanings and significance. We finished our round of the hill, returned to the Virupaksha Cave and sat down. I was still explaining. All the essence of the Vedanta is incorporated in that one song. If properly commented upon, it would make a big volume by itself.”
I said, “It would have been good if somebody had recorded all that when Bhagavan explained. Who can comment upon the song as Bhagavan does! Why not somebody record it even now?” “That is all very well!” he said laughing. After hearing all the commentary, I said, “I am not satisfied with this article and so I will not send it to Griha Lakshmi.”
Bhagavan said, “Just as you please,” and resumed his talk, “Though I was remonstrating with my mother, she slowly started cooking, first a vegetable, then soup, and so on. We went to Skandasramam afterwards. She used to wander all over the hill, gather something or other, and say, ‘He likes this vegetable and that fruit’. She took no notice of my remonstrations. Once, while she was coming to the jungle at this side, her saree got in a thorny bush. It was only then that this path was cleared of all bushes and the like. She said she would not leave me and go anywhere else. If she went anywhere, she was afraid that she might die there. She was particular that she should die in my arms. When Alamelu (Bhagavan’s younger sister) built a new house in their village near Manamadurai, she begged mother just to go over there and see the house. She said it was enough if she (mother) just set her foot in it. But she never went. She declined because she was afraid that in case she fell ill there, there might not be trains running properly at that time to bring her back here and in that case, she might not die in her son’s arms.
She used to say, ‘Even if you were to throw away my dead body in these thorny bushes I do not mind but I must end this life in your arms.’” As he was saying that, his voice began to falter through emotion. My eyes got moist. I said, “Renunciation should be as firm as that with everybody.” “Yes, yes!” he said and was silent.
Because she said, “Even if you were to throw away my body in these thorny bushes,” we now see that the place of her burial is adorned by a temple fit to be worshipped by kings and emperors.
See Appalam Song, and Dakshinamurthy Stotra.
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