(2) AHAM SPHURANA
22nd November, 1945
Yesterday a Bengali Swami in ochre robes by name Hrishikesanand came here.
This morning from 8-30 to 11-00 Bhagavan continuously discussed spiritual matters with him. That voice flowed full of nectar and uninterruptedly like the waters of the Ganges. How can my pen keep pace with that great flow? That amrit (nectar) can only be drunk deep with the hand of devotion: how can it be gathered and conveyed on paper? When Sri Bhagavan was relating his experiences in Madurai of the vision of death, these eyes were incapable of taking in the radiance of his personality, these ears of grasping the full wisdom of his words. It is natural for the enthusiasm of one who relates an incident to reflect the level of intelligence of him who listens.
I should have given you a more detailed account of the questions asked by the Swami and the replies given by Bhagavan; only at present the place reserved for ladies in the hall is rather far from Bhagavan and, as I happened to be sitting at the back, I could not hear properly all that was being discussed. I did however hear one thing clearly.
Bhagavan said, “In the vision of death, though all the senses were benumbed, the aham sphurana (Self-awareness) was clearly evident, and so I realised that it was that awareness that we call ‘I’, and not the body. This Self-awareness never decays. It is unrelated to anything. It is Self-luminous. Even if this body is burnt, it will not be affected. Hence, I realised on that very day so clearly that that was ‘I’.” Many more such things were said but I could not follow or remember them, and so I am not able to write any more about them. There have been several discussions as this before. I am only sorry I have let slip such innumerable gems. Please excuse my laziness and indifference in not writing to you even though you have been asking me all these days to write.